Sunday, March 15, 2009

Why You're Fat

My husband told me he'd found this informative site, "Why You're Fat" and insisted I had to take a look at it. "Whooooa," murmured my son, anticipating a volley of dirty looks and DVDs from my side of the office. My husband had the nerve to email me the link.

"Fine," I snarled, rolling my eyes, expecting yet-another-weight-loss-advice site.

Look, if this is why you're fat, it still doesn't begin to explain my weight problems. Just browsing this gallery of mostly meat-based, deep-fried, occasionally inventive concoctions makes me slightly queasy, gives me a bit of a tension headache, and produces a strong urge to go totally ovo-lacto vegetarian.  I have a sudden craving for a five-pound box of Clementines; holding that thought in my mind, I can almost feel the imaginary citrus washing away the imaginary slime of lard that's now palpable on my tongue.

I can appreciate the artistic entries here:

But this? Kind of makes you wonder why anyone gets bent out of shape over a teaspoonful of HFCS or a few grams of trans-fats:

Okay, on that note, I'm off to get some healthy foods to restock the pantry. I've found my new weight loss aid: I'm posting these on the refrigerator door.