Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Rare Delicacy Stirs Controversy, Protest, and Feeding Frenzy

Today's introduction of Sasquatch Jerky has some Cascadians up in arms. The Bureau of Sasquatch Affairs is looking into a new product by Jerky.com that claims to be "hand-sliced strips of rare, 100% premium choice Sasquatch meat...seasoned and marinated with the finest of all-natural ingredients to create a savory flavor which will satisfy your taste buds every time." Few people have been lucky enough (or wealthy enough) to try 100% premium choice Sasquatch meat, though it is said that "the meat of the Yeti has a considerably higher fat content than Sasquatch meat, due to the severe cold conditions in yeti territory, but the flavor is quite similar to buffalo. Not so with Chupacabra, which is rather goaty by comparison."

Doug Iske, President of Jerky.com, claims that Sasquatch meat is very much in demand, citing the success of Bigfoot Hunting Preserve and exotic travel destinations billed as "Yeti Safari Tours," despite the protests of the Save the Sasquatch Society and others. For the vegetarians, though, jerky.com offers delicious pineapple jerky straight from Maui. Pineapple jerky is a healthy alternative to the typical "fruit leather" snacks - slices of sweet, fresh, sun-ripened pineapples are dehydrated and lightly glazed with honey. Made from 100% natural ingredients, they still look and taste like real pineapple, making them a lovely and edible garnish for a main meal, as well as a tasty treat at snack time.

While Sasquatch Jerky is just a little too rich (for my wallet) - and too hominoid (for my tastebuds), I must admit that I'm intrigued with the other exotic offerings of Jerky.com, and if the pineapple jerky I got this past weekend is truly a taste of things to come, I'm really looking forward to trying venison jerky, turkey jerky, elk jerky, buffalo jerky, and ostrich jerky. If your tastes are more simple, they also provide plenty of beef jerky varieties - and who can resist bacon jerky? I predict this will be a popular hangout for the guys - particularly here in Texas, despite the fact that they don't seem to have any rattlesnake, raccoon, or roadkill jerky among their product offerings (yet).

So, what DO you give the Intrepid Adventurer who has everything? With all-natural ingredients such as soy sauce, crushed black pepper and a splash of pineapple juice in every bite, you just can't go wrong with Jerky.com brand Sasquatch Jerky. All Jerky.com products come shipped to your door FREE OF CHARGE in re-sealable bags, guaranteeing flavor and freshness the whole bag through.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A Cold and Broken Hallelujah

When J.J. and I were married, nearly 25 years ago, our minister refused to allow my father to "give me away." He said that dated back to when women really were chattel to be given away by their male relatives. I didn't care; I'd never felt like chattel a day in my life. But I'm an only child, and there was no way the man was taking my dad's part out of the ceremony. In the end, the minister found a solution that pleased us all and gave my father-in-law a part in the wedding: Instead of giving me away, my dad welcomed my husband, J.J., into our family, and my father-in-law, A.J., welcomed me into his. Eleven years ago, he moved in with us. Somewhere along the line, I started to think he'd live forever. Saturday, he proved me wrong. In all the times he thanked me for everything I did for him, he never seemed to remember that he gave me two brothers and a sister, and the most precious gift of all: his son, my husband - and through him, two beautiful children.

A.J.